


yes, it's only a paper moon

by friends_call_me_wobbly_hands



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Greg is a blessing to humankind fight me, Missing Scene, Multi, Past Abuse, Pink Diamond Is Not A Villain, Rose Quartz Is Not A Villain, Rose Quartz Really Needs A Therapist, Stream of Consciousness, Struggles Instead Of Cuddles, a brief mention of the best ever man, basically rose having regrets, did she do bad or questionable things?, did she try to make up for it as well as she could?, i cannot believe she never added spinel to the vast list to her regrets, mainly by other diamonds but also by her, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22820956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friends_call_me_wobbly_hands/pseuds/friends_call_me_wobbly_hands
Summary: Rose Quartz has more regrets and belated pangs of consequence than there are stars in the sky. She cannot do much about that. She cannot do much about a certain forgotten garden, either.Sitting atop of a broken galaxy pad, gazing upon the shifting constellations, she can always find the spot where it rests.She wishes she could speak to it - loud enough to deliver a single message.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	yes, it's only a paper moon

Rose Quartz comes there every once in a while, when she can twirl away from the myriad of her meaningless responsibilities - how ironic, she thinks, how bitterly ironic that is. 

She walks by overgrown boulders and crushed rocks covered with brilliant gem dust. The surface is reflective enough for Rose's face to peek back at her when she leans in to look. She pauses to take it in - the tired eyes, the soft cheeks and plump lips. Thousands of years later, she is still not used to the sight. Thick in a way that suggests strength, calm in a way that means maturity… The face of Rose Quartz is everything she'd rather be instead of who she _is_ at heart, or so she tells herself. 

It is better than the face she was born with, the one that was studied so intently and desperately. All the tiniest spots, miscolored patches, hairline tissues; all the flaws and faults in her cut; all the ways she was less, worse, weaker, smaller, different - she remembers every single of them named and listed to her patiently countless times. She was supposed to be bigger in size, deeper in color, more luminous. More perfect.

Perhaps if only she was...

The bare feet resume their silent pacing. She walks forward and to the crushed galaxy warp pad. She does not really remember who broke it, all that time ago - which side destroyed it so thoroughly - were those the last escaping soldiers or the rebels wanting to cut them off for good? But the pad is broken still, enough for her tears to be useless. 

(It is not like her tears ever did anyone much good, though.)

(She touches the cold stone and remembers smearing a tear over the top of it, both fearing and hoping for a reaction that would never come.)

This pad is one of her hideouts that no one is aware of, not even the omniscient Garnet - not even the trusty Pearl. At some point Rose found that some alone time was the only way for her to stay sane. She is aware that she does not have too much time, here. Back home, Amethyst needs guidance and Garnet needs a softer hand and Pearl needs  _ her _ , and she cannot leave her new tiny court alone for long without her thoughts starting to spiral - she needs them too. Rose does not know if it is a good need, a need that Greg (with his impeccable knowledge of emotions) would approve of, or if it is something closer to the relationships she had back home. Whether friendship or codependency, she knows it will call her back soon enough.

She gently slumps to her knees on top of the pad. Her puffy, unmarred white robes spread around her like the petals of a fresh flower, and her shoulders rise and fall with an imitation of a sigh as she looks up.

Someone someday compared the stars to diamonds, and how ironic that is as well.

Rose Quartz can tell the dot she needs at once. Her eyes are just as sharp as they were when she burst from the core of a planet in her young glory, even if they do not look the same anymore. There's the tiniest spark of Homeworld, the spot of the night sky that  _ is  _ filled with Diamonds. And next to it… next to it, there is a dot of blackness she knows well even though it is not marked by a particular light. After all, moons don't shine bright enough even for her to see.

She looks up and thinks of home. Of the Diamonds. Of the Pearl. Of the countless gems back there that must have forgotten her cause altogether by now, of those that never got to even try to reach for freedom.

She thinks of Spinel, too.

She remembers that tiny garden that was part of her home before it became her enclosure. It was such a pretty place, made for her and no one else. Another gift - of many - meant to make her happy and content where she was,  _ as  _ she was. She  _ was  _ happy there for a little while, Rose thinks bitterly before closing her eyes for a moment to remember.

Vines wrapping up the columns, flowers of colors that only a gem's eye could see and only a gem's glow could rival. That garden had no sense, no purpose. No meetings or important events were held there. Other Diamonds almost never came by. It was a pretty little thing, full of glitter and life, but that was all. She was alone there… alone with the little gem who only knew how to play. Play, and sing, and dance, and entertain, and please, and never do a thing that's against the rules.

Was that how others saw  _ Pink Diamond? _ Was that an example of sorts? Or a simplified parody?

Rose Quartz almost gets angry before catching herself and remembering she is not allowed that anymore. The cost of her anger is too great.

The cost of her mistakes is unbearable.

She remembers Pearl, unmoving and with a blank stare, shining with light that was not hers - what a joke, a flawless Diamond with a broken Pearl - she remembers Spinel's blissful smile and hands clasped together. Both left behind and forgotten like old, boring toys.

They were so much more than that, she wants to scream. They were people! They felt, they thought… they deserved better, she just… she just did not think. She did not mean to hurt anyone. She just did not think.

Now that's all that she seems to be able to do: thinking.

Rose Quartz allows herself to slam her fist into the pad, adding another crack to many more. It won't make things worse, after all.

If only she -

What? If only she emerged like this, like this persona of hers? Strong? Mature? Wise? If only she did the right things from the start? If only she did not fuss? Did not scream? Did not abandon old friends she grew out of?

She sighs, relaxing and covering the crack in the polished stone with a palm. She could not have taken Spinel with her. Everyone knew  _ whose  _ she was - where Spinel's loyalty lay. Besides, one careless word from a careless gem, one tiny hint at who Rose Quartz really was - and things could have gone even worse than they did… And what good would it do to the little entertainer to be stranded on a nowhere planet with a bunch of nobodies, with a not-Diamond who did not want to play anymore? Worse, what if she got corrupted, turned into a mindless shadow of herself? 

What if she got shattered?

No, no, maybe it is a boring existence with no one to share the fun with, but who knows, Spinel might have been long rescued. Taken in by another gem. And even if she was not, isn't it for her own good? 

Isn't it better that way?

Rose's mind can argue that as much as she wants, but her core somehow refuses to agree.   


If only… but the galaxy warp is broken, the little moon garden remains a dark dot on Rose's sky, and she cannot even quite remember the shape of its columns anymore. The past floats by, untouchable. Mistakes remain mistakes no matter how hard you regret them.

But if only, if only, if only…

if only.

Rose Quartz - Pink Diamond - the jaded, flawed, worn-out Diamond - allows herself to imagine for a single second that one day she will somehow heal everyone and mend everything, including that broken pad - that somehow, one day she'll get through to the Diamonds, and put the shards back together, and mend the ties, and stop the colonies, and get her Pearl back, and…

She looks up to the sky and wishes she could send a message. Two simple lines. Some simple words that would mean so much to someone in the decaying glass cage on a forgotten moon.

_ "Spinel, _

_ I promise that you have won. _

_ Please… leave the garden." _


End file.
